Make the Choice

“The Dare: To reach life’s end having lived not only the length of it, but also its depth, width and height.”

Dare to be happy? Aurora, the campaign rhetoric, the ludicrous decisions coming from our nation’s capital – all seem to have collided to make people (understandably) unhappy this week.  I’ve noticed it everywhere. Felt it myself.  Here’s hoping the tips offered below will merit its length.

She and her family—Dutch Christians who hid and aided Jews from the Nazi Holocaust during WWII—were arrested, separated, and wrenched from their home in the middle of a cold February night.  Her father died in prison.

Corrie ten Boom and her sister Betsie were sent to a concentration camp, where Betsie died.  Corrie remained there for ten months, death and filth and fear her only constants.

Due to a clerical mistake, she was released.

During this experience, she had faith, but no idea what her fate would be.

After this experience, she lived to age 91, wrote a stellar book, lectured, shared.

Despite this experience she remained hopeful, even happy.

“Happiness,” she wrote, “isn’t something that depends on our surroundings. It’s something we make inside ourselves.”

Imagine living through that—starvation, disease, brutality, endless unknowing—and still feeling a core level of happiness.

Corrie ten Boom lived her own version of “The Dare,” a little less consciously, but a lot more profoundly and impressively than what I do.

She made the happiness inside herself.

“Happiness is a decision, not a situation.”

Hmm…I’ve made the decision to be happy about 6,489,362 times.

So why doesn’t it stick?

I’ve made other decisions that have stuck:  Career. Check.  Colleges. Check and check.  My car.  Check.  My house.  Check.

I decide. I do. I move on.

But, the cycle of my happiness decision looks like this:  Decision made. Happy.  Something happens. Unhappy.  Decision made (again). Happy.  Something happens. Unhappy…etc.

Anybody else tired of that waffling cycle?

Social science research says that about 40% of our level of subjective happiness is determined by intentional activities.

This suggests that one’s deliberate actions can drastically improve overall happiness, mirroring ten Boom’s belief.

So, if happiness depends in large part on our outlook, let’s be deliberate when happiness seems distant:

Depth: Look inward.   The research says to:

• Consciously choose happiness.
• Have something to look forward to. Always. (This is my favorite tip.)
• Trust your gut instincts. You know the source and wisdom of that voice.
• Make enough money to cover your basic needs.
• Smile. Science says it will elevate your mood even if you are not happy.

Width: Look around.  Get involved.

• Work. Paid or volunteer. Make a contribution.
• Have deep meaningful conversations. Surface-level talks don’t produce the same results.
• Marry the right person.
• Help others.
• Forgive others.

Find the good and the hopeful, in even the most horrific events, where possible.

The Aurora massacre was horrendous, to be sure. Leading up to that, I’d been reading incredible tales of missionaries and regular folks who had journeyed to the far reaches of the earth and risked their lives to help others.

Their stories had left me feeling insignificant.  Ineffective.  I felt no such calling.  Then the massacre occurred, and I realized there is much work to be done right here.  On our own soil.  In our backyards. And I felt a peace—although some would call it an ill-timed peace—understanding that I could contribute from wherever I am—writing, talking, sharing, teaching, being.

Height. Look up.  Pray.  A lot.  Make prayer your steering wheel, not a spare tire, as ten Boom would say.

Go to church. A 2010 study, by Harvard researchers published in the American Sociological Review, says that people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn’t.

A key factor was the quality of friendships made in church. Supposedly, people who went to church but didn’t have any close friends there were no happier than people who never went to church.

Solomon, arguably one of the world’s wisest men, revealed in Ecclesiastes that neither his accomplishments nor his wisdom could make him truly happy.  True happiness comes from pleasing God, he said.

Moving Forward

Phew.  Seems like a lot of steps to be happy.  But, if each effort evens out the happy-unhappy-happy-unhappy cycle, then the effort will have been worth it.

Will you join me?

P.S.: My generation grew up learning about Corrie ten Boom and her experiences.  But it occurred to me that our children may not know her amazing story.  If that is true of your children, encourage them to read The Hiding Place.

P.P.S: One (and my favorite) of the incredible stories I was reading of a missionary family’s journey is entitled Call of a Coward, by Marcia Moston. You’ll laugh, cry, smile, cheer—and mostly just enjoy the reading ride.  Find it at Amazon: http://amzn.to/STs7we